How to set yourself up for financial slavery in 5 easy steps

This is just my opinion so don’t take it as some sort of financial advice. But one day you might want to look at your financial situation and see which path you’re going down, and you might want to change your financial course to the one I’m about to present.

5 Steps to Financial Slavery

It’s really not that hard, that’s why most people my age are doing it. Why aren’t you? Money has never been so fun, my friends have been proclaiming lately! Are you ready for the steps?

  1. Go to college and take out student loans, use some of the student loan money to throw rad parties
  2. Graduate from College and defer payment on student loans so they accumulate interest
  3. Get a job, buy a car… better yet, lease it
  4. Live in an apartment for a few years, continue to make minimum payments on all debt, student loans, credit cards, car payment. All of it. Keep debt as long as possible
  5. Save up a little bit of money for a 3% downpayment on a house. When purusing the mortgage options, get the 30 year fixed because it helps you buy a bigger house for a low monthly payment. More bang for your buck!

  6. (Bonus step) Continue to refinance your mortgage about every 10 years, taking as much “cash out” as possible, and reset back to a 30 year fixed

Of all the steps, if you have to do one of em, definitely do 3. Nothing more effectively says, “I’m better than you.” than driving around in a sick ride. Oh and I can’t forget the added bonus of getting a job… the banks will be willing to lend you even more money!! What a deal!

But if you end up making it to step 5 and purchasing the house, do number 6 for sure. Yeah, it’s a bonus task and might take some extra effort, but here’s what you get out of it. Let’s say you buy a house today and take out that amazing thirty year fixed I told you about earlier. And 10 years into making payments, house prices have gone up about 20% and you’ve paid down the mortgage about 15%. You now magically have around 35 - 40% equity. If you continued to make payments on your house, you’d start to pay down your principle even faster, but fuck that. We want financial slavery, so call up your mortgage officer and refi the house into a brand new 30 year fixed! While your at it, take out all the equity you earned becase, lol, if that cash is just sitting in your house as equity it’s not doing you any good!

The most important part of step 6 is consistency. Continue to repeat this about every 5-10 years. After 30 years of making payments on your house you get…

  1. A bigger loan than what you started with
  2. A bigger payment than what you started with
  3. Another 30 years to pay on your mortgage

I don’t know how you could enslave yourself any better than that.

All Joking aside, you may be thinking that no one would be dumb enough to do this, but I’ve seen it. It happens. I’ve seen a person who built a house in 1988 and had a starting mortgage of around 120,000. And in 2012 they didn’t have a dollar of equity on a house valued at $260,000, but they had a bigger payment, 30 more years to pay and a bigger loan.

And best of all, when you’re a slave to your debt, you’re a slave to your job, you’re a slave to your boss and you really own nothing.

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